Stories From The Journey - St. Lucia

Or Caduri

6/16/20243 min read

white board on body of water near mountain during daytime
white board on body of water near mountain during daytime

Hello Friends,

I've been a bit absent lately due to last-minute family vacation at the tropical island of St. Lucia in the Caribbean, when a dear friend of ours who was born on the island invited us all to stay with her and her family and grandparents.

Living close to nature, picking coconuts and tropical fruit straight from the tree, spending most days outdoors playing with the kids, and passing out by 8:30pm, exhausted, after another day filled with family and friends, life feels much more natural, simple, and true. It is no wonder that shortly after arrival I began experiencing my breathing finally return to normal after struggling to breath to the diaphragm in recent months. And with the breath, the mind too calms down, becoming more spacious, less contracted on this thought, or the next. Everything related to being, body and soul, can experience at least a temporary equanimity.

Not to say that life here doesn't bring its challenges. of course. We sure don't enjoy the mosquitoes, and it would sure be nice to sit in the AC for a bit in the extreme hit of mid day St. Lucia summer - but these are small prices to pay.

Being outside of the U.S, it feels like a unique opportunity to reflect on my life in it in the last 6 years, contrasted with the present, that feels strangely familiar from my traveling days.

Ever since I was 18 I've been committed to a life of freedom as I vowed to myself to instead of conforming - always make my own choices whatever the price may be. It's what led me to leave Israel without serving in the military, and instead to go off to Thailand to what I can now only describe as a spiritual search and yearning. But as life progresses, eventually one discovers that there are sacrifices that must be made as a social creature, that at its core, bound to society with all of its kinks, quirks, and more often than not - insanity.

It is as in the story Baal HaSulam mentions in his "Arvut" article:

Therefore, the Tana described the Arvut as two people who were on a boat, and one of them began to drill a hole in the boat. His friend said, “Why are you drilling?” He replied, “Why should you mind? I am drilling under me, not under you.” So he replied, “Fool! We will both drown together in the boat!”

And if we were to "check out" of our social responsibility, without trying to stop our friends (and often - ourselves) from drilling in the boat, what chance do we have in the long run? It may be ten years, a generation or two, but eventually our neglect will come back with a vengeance. Could we be so foolish to think that we could be fulfilled in life without trying to intervene? But what is this intervention if not internal?

As I am given this opportunity to look at my life from the birds-eye view, I realize that my functioning, and my ability to serve life in itself is limited due to my continual choice of a lesser environment - one that does not fully speak to my heart at soul. Of course, it had to have been this way, as there was internal work to be done, and/or, 'karma to live out', and I am grateful for the opportunity, but now... after almost 6 years in America it seems that its finally time for something else to shine through. Whether I stay in the modern west or leave, it would make no difference to that, as the process had long began and the remnants of my attachment to the western world continually fade away and die. And if at 18 my leaving society was a "checking out", or, an escape, it is now time to come a full circle to do so from a place of integrity and maturity - after giving it its fair chance and my innermost efforts and commitment.

As to my commitment to life, soul, and the divine, though - that commitment is as steadfast as ever. More things to come...