Stories From the Journey - In Transit

Or Caduri

8/27/20243 min read

stairs through beach
stairs through beach

Hello Dear Friends,

I am writing to you today from hot and sunny Florida, where my family and I have found ourselves in an unexpected transit for the month like so many families in Israel right now due to the war. While quite abrupt at first, the situation had turned to be a great blessing and a much-needed time for our bodies, minds, and souls to prepare for our big move to Israel, while spending much-needed quality time together as a family.

While operating in this newly given situation, I often find myself grateful for all the lessons learned through the countless mistakes I’ve made in my years of traveling and moving, mistakes like: entertaining unnecessary doubts, being attached to a previous idea or plan instead of enjoying and appreciating what’s been given, and not being willing to look for (and pay for) exactly what the situation is calling for to fulfill its purpose – no more and no less than our true needs in that moment in time.

With that said, even after years of trusting in unknowns, some things are never easy on the body and mind. As spiritually oriented as one may be, we still have a personality and an aspect of ourselves that is trying to make sense of the situation, and as I attempt to enjoy the gifts of the moment, many things remain unclear.

Of course, looming behind the surface is the fact that I am bringing my family to a country in a state of war and that I yet to know what I’ll doing for a living when I get there, but lately I come to realize that while important, this is just the superficial layer of things and the real question that seeks to be answered is why am I moving to Israel, and why now?

Is it because I want to be by my family? To have a community of support for my children? Or maybe it is because I ‘ran out of course’ in the U.S.? These were my immediate answers to anyone who asked over the past month or so, and while true, something in me knew that this is not nearly the full picture.

It wasn’t until an older local couple pushed me on these through their terrified looks of disbelief that anyone would want to move to Israel right now, that I allowed myself to say the true answer out loud: “perhaps you would better understand this: when something like October 7 happens, you become more connected to your Jewish and Israeli identities. I want to be with my people and support my community at this time”. And as unreasonable as this may have sounded compared to my previous ‘logical’ answers, their understanding silence left no need for further explanation and we were able to connect and go deeper into the conversation.

We think we have so much control over where we end up at, but the truth is that we are attracted to where we spiritually and energetically belong to once we finished a previous Karmatic journey and movement must be made. At age 18, Israel “spat” me out to the dark depth of constant immediate gratification to live around the touristy streets of Bangkok, as this was what I cared about and was mostly living for at my core. 12 years later, by divine grace, I am “choosing” the complete opposite of that as my soul knows that I truly want to be of service to my closest people even during a war. Or at least, I hope that this is the case.

***

Lately, I am witnessing more and more of the metaphorical 'giants’ at the dark corners of my soul that are so often controlling and dictating my every move to gratify my egoistic nature – especially when I am fatigued from the journey. These can manifest in anger, fear, victimhood...

As we say before Passover:

זָכ֕וֹר אֵ֛ת אֲשֶׁר־עָשָׂ֥ה לְךָ֖ עֲמָלֵ֑ק בַּדֶּ֖רֶךְ בְּצֵאתְכֶ֥ם מִמִּצְרָֽיִם׃

Remember what Amalek did to you on your journey, after you left Egypt—

אֲשֶׁ֨ר קָֽרְךָ֜ בַּדֶּ֗רֶךְ וַיְזַנֵּ֤ב בְּךָ֙ כׇּל־הַנֶּחֱשָׁלִ֣ים אַֽחֲרֶ֔יךָ וְאַתָּ֖ה עָיֵ֣ף וְיָגֵ֑עַ וְלֹ֥א יָרֵ֖א אֱלֹהִֽים׃

How he surprised you on the march and cut down all the stragglers in your rear, when you were famished and weary and were not in fear/awe of god.

The kabbalists say that when we escape our own Egypt (מצריים) – our narrow place(מיצר) , and go to our metaphorical dessert, when we are weary, and tired, and forget the divine - it is in that empty space that the darkness of our egoistic nature (‘Amalek’) can latch onto us in its various forms. And when this egoistic nature is on the surface - it destroys everything and everyone it touches. It always leaves us emptier than before. May we come to more awareness of it, overcome it, and always choose the blessed path of true altruism instead. It is the path laid out to us by all the true masters throughout the ages, which blueprints can be found in the internal teachings of Jewish tradition and Kabbalah.

Many blessings,
Or